Jennie June makes dudes swoon

The most pertinent info about Jennie June, according to her website, or at least what I could gather from her website before the Taylor Swift playing on endless loop in the background obscured my retinals with welling tears on account of her latest romantic imbroglio: she’s 5’7″, weighs 116 pounds, has 34DD-24-36 measurements, and will under no circumstances pose in the nude. (Until she’s no longer relevant. So after you look at this post everyone, I’m promptly deleting it, Mission: Impossible style. Just let me know when you’re done. And yes, you still have to grab the fucking Kleenex yourself. What am I, your girlfriend? Or in my case, your grandmother?)